Kally's Cauldron

One of these days, I will start doing this more regularly!

Both boys are asleep for now (not that I expect that to last long...even less now that I've actually voiced it!)  My hubby (Boo) went back to work yesterday...the summer really is coming to a close fast.  We had a pretty good day today and I'm thankful for that.  I do enjoy being a stay at home mom but let me tell you, sometimes I just want to throw in the towel!

So we attended a Unitarian church for the first time on Sunday.  We only had Bean with us because Munchkin was with my in-laws enjoying "Christmas at the Camper".  The sermon was a little more political than I would typically like (the Holocaust of the Roma) but overall it was a really good experience.  We even met a family there with two little girls...the youngest of which was born the same afternoon as my Bean...at home...with the same midwife!!!  I took it as a sign from the Goddess that we were in the right place.
I've always had this weird "thing" for going to church....I really enjoyed attending both the Catholic and non-denominational Christian (whatever that is!) ones, but since I'm not really "in to" Christianity anymore, those aren't really places I want to bring up my kids.  From the looks of it, the Religious Exploration courses that the UU has for kids consist of all the things I want to teach my kids...morals, tolerance, acceptance and love.  Hopefully we've found somewhere we can call "home".

Other than that, I'm working on putting myself together a Tarot deck.  We don't have a lot of extra cash right now so I'm doing it the frugal way by printing out photos (not copyrighted of course) of the cards and cutting/pasting them onto cardboard (or cardstock...we'll see what the dollar store has on my next visit!).  I'm liking this idea because, having never even held a Tarot card before, I don't know if it's something I'll be able to get into or that I have a knack for.  Maybe I'll even bring them to the store and have them laminated (cause let's face it, if either boy gets a hold of them, that'll be the end of it!)

Maybe it's sleep deprivation, but in the past couple of weeks, I've hit more emotional lows than I know what to do with.  I had post-partum depression after Munchkin was born but I don't think this is it.  I really think I've just realized the "emotional" side of being a mom.

The one thing in particular that's hit me like a ton of bricks is how emotionally heart-wrenching breastfeeding can be.  Oh sure, it's a beautiful bonding experience and when it's going well, I feel like I'm on Cloud 9.  Not to say that it's suddenly started going badly but my Bean isn't the content nurser that Munchkin was.  Bean likes to bite and pull at my breast like it's jerky.  He constantly un-latches and then cries.  At first I figured there must be a problem....pain?  Thrush?  I do have a pretty hefty let-down but we're able to work through that.  No, my Bean is not only a fussy baby (bordering on colic, I'm pretty sure), he's a fussy nurser.  Apparently, however, I'm the only one concerned.  Granted, he has gained 3lbs in 6 weeks so obviously he's eating well but I'm a mom and worrying is what I do best!

Thankfully, unlike his older brother, he sleeps like a dream!

Then there's Munchkin...he seems to be taking the new baby pretty well.  He loves touching and kissing him.  He's really gentle and loves to help us do whatever needs to be done for the "baybe!"  However, the temper tantrums have gone through the roof.  He takes everything personally and his hearing can only be described as "selective".  My patience with him can get paper thin in a heartbeat and the Mommy guilt has set in.

The hardest part I think, is realizing that neither of them are as old as we want them to be.  Munchkin will be 2 next month but somehow we expect him to understand everything we say and know what's going on at all times....which, naturally, he doesn't!  And poor Bean.....telling a 6 week old to stop crying is not only futile, but really kind of stupid.  But here I am, trudging along, doing the best I can with what I've got for now.

But then Munchkin comes and gives me a hug and Bean smiles one of his gummy smiles....and you really do realize just why they're in your life and why you just deal with it all!

Well, as anyone can tell, consistency is not something I'm very good at.  In all fairness though, life has taken some massive turns in the past few months but I guess that's how the journey goes.

My dad was in a horrible motorcycle accident on May 16th and has gone through 4 surgeries, a month and a half in the trauma unit at the hospital and to date is still in convalescence care.  We're still waiting for him to be able to put weight on his legs so he can commence the final part of this particular journey....rehab!  I know he's not looking forward to it.  Amidst all this, I gave birth to my second baby boy at the end of June.

To say that life with a newborn and a toddler is busy would be a massive understatement!  Thankfully, I have Boo home for the better part of the summer so the teams are equal.  He goes back in September and to be totally honest, I'm nervous as heck.  But I'm not thinking too much about that right now as we're heading off to the trailer on Saturday for a week and I'm super excited!  Take each day as it comes!

My spiritual journey has taken a huge backseat to everything else in my life which is odd for me because when big changes are happening, that's typically when I lean on "faith" the most but for the past few months, I feel like I've needed to just know that I can stand on my own two feet.  Lughnasadh came and went without much fuss (although we did prepare a nice meal in honour of it) but I feel like I need to start putting more effort into it.  I've gotten back in contact with some members of our local Pagan community so we'll see where that can lead to.  I guess this is where being in the broom closet can hinder my growth a little, but I'll work past it!