Kally's Cauldron

Maybe it's sleep deprivation, but in the past couple of weeks, I've hit more emotional lows than I know what to do with.  I had post-partum depression after Munchkin was born but I don't think this is it.  I really think I've just realized the "emotional" side of being a mom.

The one thing in particular that's hit me like a ton of bricks is how emotionally heart-wrenching breastfeeding can be.  Oh sure, it's a beautiful bonding experience and when it's going well, I feel like I'm on Cloud 9.  Not to say that it's suddenly started going badly but my Bean isn't the content nurser that Munchkin was.  Bean likes to bite and pull at my breast like it's jerky.  He constantly un-latches and then cries.  At first I figured there must be a problem....pain?  Thrush?  I do have a pretty hefty let-down but we're able to work through that.  No, my Bean is not only a fussy baby (bordering on colic, I'm pretty sure), he's a fussy nurser.  Apparently, however, I'm the only one concerned.  Granted, he has gained 3lbs in 6 weeks so obviously he's eating well but I'm a mom and worrying is what I do best!

Thankfully, unlike his older brother, he sleeps like a dream!

Then there's Munchkin...he seems to be taking the new baby pretty well.  He loves touching and kissing him.  He's really gentle and loves to help us do whatever needs to be done for the "baybe!"  However, the temper tantrums have gone through the roof.  He takes everything personally and his hearing can only be described as "selective".  My patience with him can get paper thin in a heartbeat and the Mommy guilt has set in.

The hardest part I think, is realizing that neither of them are as old as we want them to be.  Munchkin will be 2 next month but somehow we expect him to understand everything we say and know what's going on at all times....which, naturally, he doesn't!  And poor Bean.....telling a 6 week old to stop crying is not only futile, but really kind of stupid.  But here I am, trudging along, doing the best I can with what I've got for now.

But then Munchkin comes and gives me a hug and Bean smiles one of his gummy smiles....and you really do realize just why they're in your life and why you just deal with it all!